Leaked!!! PHISH New Years Stunt 2017: Maybe So and Maybe Not

EXCLUSIVE: An anonymous source, from the upper echelons in Phish camp, leaked an early draft of the 2017 New Years Stunt! Between you and I, all signs point to Mike's Lipstick Tech as the culprit...

graphic credit: @tricecat (Instagram)

Set Opens:

• Stage is dark, spotlight appears on Page already at his keys. He’s in a black suit jacket, tie & blue jeans (dressed familiar, like someone we love to loathe)…
• Page opens Prelude/Angry Young Man*…
• Crowd goes wild, with a few intermittent boos, woos, and hisses…
• Song proceeds passed intro, with Page on vocals, and lights rise to reveal the rest of the band as they dive deep, reimagining the tune as their own…
• Mid Prelude-jam, a troupe of dancing mechanics in blue collar jumpsuits (led by a Christie Brinkley impersonator – think Uptown Girl music video circa 1983) walk out from stage left to take positions on risers behind, and in front of the band. They begin to do a broadway style dance while singing verses from the song (Trey inserts Allentown teases). More angry young blue collar mechanics are lowered from the ceiling, completing epic acrobatic stunts while joining in song…
• This Broadwayesque spectacle continues for a moment, when all of a sudden, what appears to be a drunken disheveled man (dressed in a Jon Fishman muumuu) stumbles in from side stage…
• He begins to sing the “Stop right there! I gotta know right now! Before we go any further! Do you love me?” verse from Meatloaf’s “Paradise By The Dashboard Light”…
• Security is in hot pursuit (circa Naked Guy Out Of Control 2009) but Trey waves them off…its Billy Joel!
• Billy’s medley is interrupted when Fish suggests they all let bygones be bygones
• Billy heads over to the keys, and joins Page on “Army Of One%.” The Chairmen Of The Boards duel on vocal verses and keyboard riffs…
• Billy clearly bests Page in this jaunt, and the crowd boos in disapproval. Page leaves the stage in shame, while the rest of the band joins with Billy to complete “Army Of One.”…
• Trey incorporates We Didn’t Start The Fire references, while taking the song deep into type II territory. Billy Joel now seems in over his head…
• Page miraculously reappears strapped with a keytar as the type II jam peaks in blissful terrain…
• Page drops a keytar bomb of such magnitude, it rattles the Garden, and knocks Billy Joel off his feet…
• New years countdown begins (10, 9, 8…)
• Joel is taken offstage in a stretcher by paramedics in the midst of Auld Lang Syne…
• Phans’ rejoice and the band launches into an unprecedented up tempo Billy Breathes+…
• Incorporates Allentown teases, w/ Angry Young Man lyrics…
• Billy Breathes segues into Goodnight Saigon#>Allentown#>Goodnight Saigon>Pressure@>2001…
• At this point, Billy Joel busts back on stage in a hospital gown, and his mask is quickly torn off by security…it was really CK5 the entire time!
• CK5 exclaims “I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for you meddling phans!”
• ENCORE: Character Zero^

*   – Phish debut, with Allentown teases by Trey
% – We Didn’t Start The Fire references by Trey
+  – Allentown tease with Angry Young Man lyrics
#  – Phish debut
@ – Phish debut, unfinished, with a Moma Dance jam
^  – During Character Zero, Mike teases Scooby Doo, Where Are You? theme song

• Prelude/Angry Young Man featured a dancing troupe of acrobatic mechanics led by a Christie Brinkley impersonator

Phantasy Stunt by Russell S. Glowatz

© Stand For Jam, 2017.

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